Kayla Ernstmeyer

Mrs. Jank

English 4

31 October 2017

Truth Uncovered

High school is a time and place that gives teens the chance to share their true identity. Emma Mills wrote the novel, “first & then” to show readers how individuals can slowly start to reveal their true selves. She introduces a character named Devon Tennyson, a senior in high school, and through her eyes the reader sees how much Ezra Lynley, a fellow senior, develops in the story. Through the events Mills writes and the character’s continual interactions with  Ezra, Devon’s perspective and thoughts on him drastically change by the end of the novel. His true personality becomes more clear for the readers, helping them form a connection to him. Devon sees all of what is changing on and gives the reader a viewpoint of him throughout the whole book. In the end, the reader is left with a whole new understanding of who this Ezra truly is.

In the initial pages of this book, Devon is introduced and right away the reader sees her thoughts on Ezra. As the star football player, he’s the talk of the entire town, if they didn’t know that “[he] had been chosen for the army’s All-American Bowl East Team” then they were living under a rock because “the entire town made such a big deal out of it that [they] couldn’t use a public restroom without a CELEBRATE TEMPLE STERLING’S OWN ALL-AMERICAN poster staring down at [them] from the back of the stall door” (Mills 12). The community of Temple Sterling sees him as one thing and one thing only, a football star. This is all Devon knows about Ezra, so when meeting him for the first time in gym class, she was certain she already had him figured him out. They end up being stuck as partners and “He didn’t introduce himself. Of course [she] already knew him, but there was something instantly off-putting about that” (18). At this point, Ezra does not seem the least bit concerned with making anyone like him. He knows that he finds favor in everyone’s eyes because of his success on the football field, so he chooses not to yield in any effort elsewhere.

Devon hated gym class and went into it thinking that “Seniors, uh [stick] together?” but after that first day pairing with Ezra, “[she] knew [they] wouldn’t partner again any time soon, [he would’t choose her] because he was conceited, and [she wouldn’t choose him] because, well, [she] thought he was conceited” (Mills 19, 44). Nothing happens that would want to make Devon change her impressions on Ezra. His actions towards her made her resent being there even more than she initially did. At this point, Mills makes the readers believe that there was nothing Devon could to to make him change. Even his very look was uninviting: “Not even the smallest smile cracked Ezra’s expressionless face” (37). Mills does a great job of setting up an unapproachable character and the reader is convinced that no one can touch him to find his true self.

Even though Ezra appears one way when Devon first interacts with him, the relationships that he holds with those around him show that there is something beyond his expressionless face. Ezra develops a relationship with a freshman boy named Foster. Foster just so happens to be Devon’s cousin, and later in the novel— her adoptive brother. The two of them met the same way as Devon and Ezra, in gym class.  In the beginning, Devon thinks it is a little strange that the two of them are so close. She, herself, doesn’t understand Foster most of the time, so it is unusual for her to see somebody who does. Not only was Ezra tolerating Foster but, “[they had] a secret” (Mills 56). This secret was something special to just them, something that no one else knew, and something they could trust each other with forever.

Ezra and Foster’s relationship started developing when Ezra saw how well Foster kicked and immediately wanted him on the football team. Being a great football star, Ezra knew he could take advantage of Foster’s skills. Ezra wanted to make sure that Foster learned the correct technique right away so “[he] demonstrated a proper punt. Foster copied his movements, and his ball landed ten yards past where Ezra’s own had fallen” (Mills 49). Foster loved the idea of getting to play football on the varsity team and was eager to start learning as much as his could in such a minimal amount of time.

As an athlete, Ezra is constantly pushing himself to be better, which makes Foster follow in his footsteps. Foster is one to rise to a challenge and he knows that Ezra can be the one to push him in that direction. He payed close attention to how Ezra got up early to do extra work outs, and quickly follows in his footsteps. Foster “[sees] him every morning. And [Ezra] said if he’s awake’…’[he could] run his route with him’” (Mills 64). Their relationship is initially based off of football, but as Devon see them starting to spend more time together, its obvious they have a connection much deeper than football. Through Devon’s eyes, the reader can see that Ezra does care about others success, not solely his own.

Not only does the relationship between Ezra and Foster show Ezra’s true colors but so do the events in the book. Both of them start spending more time together and she learns he actually is a particularly sensitive guy- those around him just have to be able to know what signs to look for. Devon picks out non-verbals more easily, at one point she notices that “even though Ezra sounded okay, something in his eyes betrayed his words” (Mills 173). Ezra starts to show that he does have emotions and wants to share them. He is just like anyone else, but he has a hard time letting everything out in a sincere way. He is not this rude, tough football player that everyone thinks he is. He finds himself trusting Devon more and more— telling her, “‘I’m not great at talking’…’You’re easy to talk to’” (159). As Devon starts to learn about what Ezra has gone through in his life, the reader gets a better idea why he is the way he is.

There is one event in particular that holds a rather strong tie to Ezra’s heart. Ezra’s father caused a bad crash killing both himself and his son, Ezra’s brother, because he was intoxicated. In the novel there is a detrimental car crash that happens because of a drunk driver, and as Ezra and Devon are spending more time together, Devon learns that Ezra has zero tolerance for that kind of behavior because that is how his father and brother died. At the funeral, Devon still is a little unsure how to act around Ezra, how to comfort him. She kept her distance and watched how “He just stood, his hands braced against the doorframe, head down…he seemed to be talking to himself” (Mills 175). At this point the reader gets the chance to see how vulnerable Ezra is. He tends to cover up his emotions with his toughness, as if they were a sign of weakness. Since Devon is a journalist for the football team, the reader gets an inside view of Ezra’s emotions right there on the sideline through her eyes. The car crash that dealt with a drunk driver involved a student from Lake Falls and Temple Sterling played them that Friday night. Ezra wanted to play the whole game and Devon “was close enough to hear Ezra arguing with Mr. McBryde…Ezra threw his helmet to the ground. [she] had never seen him so mad.” (181). Football is his life; it gives him an identity. When the events of the death of his father overlap with football, it brings out a side to Ezra that reminds the reader a lot of Devon’s first impressions of him.

While the events happening around Ezra both in the past and present play a part in his character development, the reader is continually learning about these struggles through Devon and clearly the relationship is growing between her and Ezra. In the beginning, these two were just fellow seniors, but Mills hints to the readers that they were destined to be something more. After all, Ezra is Foster’s role model and with Devon being a journalist for the football team, they are spending a majority of their time together. Both of them become more open to each other as events play out in the book. As previously mentioned, Devon was unsure of how to deal with Ezra at the funeral. Eventually she just goes up to him: “And so [they] stood. And it wasn’t so much a hug as [her] trying to put into action what [she] couldn’t put into words. [She] wanted Ezra not to look so heartbroken. [She] wanted him to feel as safe as he made [her] and Foster feel” (Mills 177). As Devon has gotten to know Ezra throughout this particular school year and he provides a sense of safety for her and her cousin, all she wants to do is give him that back in return.

In the beginning of the book, Devon leaves the reader with the impression that Ezra does not care about anyone but himself and that makes readers cautious about him. However, when he is around Devon, he shows more of a charismatic side than when he is with anyone else. Ezra constantly makes sure that “‘If there’s anything [he] can do to help…’” that he does, but Devon reassures him that he is indeed “helping” (Mills 146). Not only does the reader see how much Devon is impacted by Ezra’s presence, but the reader also sees how much Ezra is impacted by Devon’s. He can be the truest version of himself around her.

When looking at how much all of these characters and events surrounding Ezra have opened him up as a person, the readers are left with a whole new understanding of him by the end of the book. In the beginning, Devon is tasked with the assignment of interviewing Ezra about his football career for an article in the school paper. He ends up giving her typical, general one word answers. As their relationship grows and develops, the reader can see that Ezra wanted to add more of an element to truth to the answers he gave “So he wrote it for [her]” (Mills 239). He didn’t care that others found a more sensible side of him, he just wanted Devon to know the truth about who he was and is. So he took the time to re-write a deeply thought out letter about football and how the different events of his past affect his daily life.

If the reader takes a look back at the first impressions Devon placed on Ezra, they would see what was already referenced in the initial points of this paper— that “he was conceited, and…well, [she] thought he was conceited” (Mills 44). However, when the reader compares that with one of the last statements Devon has about him, they will see when when “[she] looked up at Ezra Lynley, who was…one of the best high school running backs in the country. He was also best friends to Foster. He led the charts in generosity and loyalty and honor” (254). There is no one better to help Devon along with where she is in her life right now and they can clearly see that Ezra is affected just as much by Devon.

Considering the events and relationships that Ezra went through, it is clear that true character only comes out when you are most comfortable with the people and situations around you. Emma Mills does a brilliant job of showing the progression of Ezra’s behavior through Devon’s eyes. Even though she writes Devon as the main character, much more about Ezra by the end of the book. The reader gets the chance to see how much first impressions affect the thoughts of those around you, but also how just a simple conversation can change all of that. As those conversations start developing into more meaningful relationships, its easier to read beneath just the surface. High school gave Ezra the chance to share his true identity. Even though it did not show at first, because of the character development Emma Mills writes in the book— the truth about him was ultimately uncovered in the end.

Works Cited

Mills, Emma. First & then. Square Fish, 2016.